baby chaos

i kinda feel so mortified lately. yet, can't barely think clear what's the causes for sure. but, a little thing can make me feel so frustated, and it drives me crazy. but, i have to admit, that this is just the begining. i mean, c'mmon, there are many things out there that waiting to be in a part of this life, even the problem part. i feel so shame, when i thing i can do, but i just don't do that. and it's makes me i am the mean person for myself.

i have to make to admit that i have an enermous love from the people arround me. it's so overwhelming. i need to stop what i start. stop the bad idea of being a mean Me. i mean, stop being the people that i don't wanna be. and it's time to start a new Me. a new me that can be a part of my Dream for sure.

from the deepest heart, i have a faith that i can get "it". just give me a little more time Alloh, i promise You.
oh dear baby chaos, hope i can destroye you one by one, step by step and please, i am begging you not to come again in a short or even forever.

i know i am a nerd in some way. but why we have to be cool, if we can be nerd. cool is lame. (trying to make myself happy, but what kind of motivation is this? but, it's for my dream sake)

let's rock Debbie....let's do rock....

xoxo

DeMiNa

Shit|derella

sometimes, am making sure that am the one who can fit the glass shoe in the prince's hand. definetly.
and with all of this injuries from the step mommy and the sister's step, eventually i will find a better way. what a drama.
i'll wait for a fairy that will make a carriage from a pumpkin, and make the rat be the chauffeur, with the best dress ever. no one can beat me at that time.
but as a fact, i just some shitderella, that i just realize that am stalking a "rat".

different direction

mau saya dan mau KAMU sangatlah berbeda....
bukannya menyangkal atau membantah kemampuan dan segala yang Kamu punya. pun bukan sedang ingin menjadi pemberontak atas segala yang Kamu beri. apalagi sedang melakukan aksi penghinaan atau aksi bodoh lainnya. Gak mungkin. mana sanggup saya.mana ada yang sanggup..

Tangan ini tetap saja tak bisa memberi jalan keluar, walau sudah meyakinkan diri sudah berada dalam keadaan maksimal. kepala ini tetap tertunduk atas tahta yang tak kunjung bisa ditahlukkan. sudah berat. akan indah bila berat karna mahkota, tapi ini lebih berat dari mahkota 30kg ataupun gas 30kg.

Saya bukan insan yang tiba-tiba religius jika menghadapi masalah.
Ketika senang,saya akan lebih mengingatMu.
Saya bukan insan yang tak punya syukur atas karuniaMu...bahkan tiap detik saya mensyukuri nikmatnya setiap cinta ini.
Rabb....
I have no back up plan.please give me what I deserve.
U know the best for me....
I don't want this hope gone.

dear Me

Be patient huh....
I know u've been through a bunch of crap things...
Just fully hope that thiz isn't the bad.
Dear me...
U know...I really love u.
U r not alone..am with u.even sometimes we got into big fight in this mind and everything.
But somehow, u r the best damned I've ever had.
Dear Me...
Thank u for being care of me..
Thank u for the smile u shared with me..
Thank u for the love...

Dear Me
Even it's hard to past...just trust me,no matter what,
U r the best..


Xoxo

Again...Another crap...

Been in this situation before...
been in this question before...been in this dumb silent before. i really don't know what the answer.

in a very long time, i've been decide to share everything, and still can't answered the question, that i can only say, all the crap question. why i need u, why i want u, why i be with u? why, n why, n another why...
it's just like a path. i can't resist path. that's just like me n blood type.
this is why i really like being a maker...a life maker, a story maker. it's all in me. nobody can sue me for what i've made. nobody can throw me a bottle for the story i made. because i got that 'power'. a power that i can make to make another crap...
everything seems fun, seems interesting when u arround....that's all i can say. there is no because....*i guess*.

***

Lately, i feel so insecure. i feel so afraid, of something that i really hope.
i just read a messege that say, "wake up...n bla..bla..bla...masih ada tempat lain yang mau menghargai lu..."
this is not a messege for me excatly, but it feel like i just got shoot right into the middle of my forehead. and thet...blow....duaarrrr.....
imma really stuck in my very own mind. can't really handle it. can't even really take a deep breathe. lately i feel like a dead body with a mind. so tight over here. yup over here...*pointing at my heart.
am i the only one who've being so optimist in this life??? why?
seriously, why???
be on our own is the only one we can proud of. someday we will share it to our future, that our desicion just change our path....
pride is someting growth, just like an asset.

harinya

Harinya

Apa yang terjadi di april tahun tahun lalu? Tahun sebelumnya? Dua tahun sebelumnya?

Ah….mengingatnya sama dengan kerugian. Intaian-intaian sang kisah sudah menunggu saya di siang penuh tanda tanya ini. Tanda tanya akan cuaca yang mau turun hujan atau pun suasana tenang. Lantunan lagu keras itu membangunkanku. Dari mimpi yang tak ingin aku tinggalkan. Ada kehidupan disana. Setidaknya kehidupanku disana jauh lebih menyenangkan. Ah..namanya juga mimpi. Siapa yang tak ingin hidup di dalamnya. Bocah itu selalu menggangu mimpiku, sama seperti menggangu hidup nyataku. Oh, Tuhan.

Pelik rasanya. Entah ada apa hari ini. Ada banyak delusi yang terekam. Tapi tak ingin satu pun dimainkan dan memiliki episode yang lebih panjang. Reruntuhan kisah indah hari ini tampak menguras rasa.

Masih ingin melanjut mimpi sebenarnya, tapi mata tak bisa bekerjasama dengan baik dengan perut. Ada yang lebih aku butuhkan. Kopi. Kaki melangkah pasti pada toples biru itu. Tempat biasa dimana aromanya ditutup rapat agar tak selalu menggugah rasa. Dan…. Tak ada yang lebih naas dari kehabisan si hitam pekat yang menemani pagi. Ah..rasanya tak ingin melanjutkan hari ini.

Mungkin Bobo,si anjing pintar yang sudah menemani selama hampir lima tahun itu, bisa mengurangi beban. “Dear Bobobobobo…..come come…”. Kemana dia hari ini? Kenapa hanya ada talinya saja di kandangnya? Ah…keringat dingin jadinya. Baru tadi malam, diberikan makanan enak yang aku beli dari supermarket. Mahal, dan bergizi menurut bungkusnya. Damn….apa si penjagal di samping sudah berhasil mengambil bobo? Segala sumpah serapah dan demi roh suci bobo aku guyurkan pada si penjagal bermata satu itu. Mulutnya yang busuk, hatinya yang busuk, tangannya yang busuk. Semua busuk. Bukankah dia yang seharusnya dijagal. Kehilangan bobo bagai kehilangan arah dalam hidup. Bobo itu bagaikan jiwa keduaku. Pelengkap hidupku. Pemanis pahitku. Sekali lagi, aku ucapkan sumpah serapah pada si tukang jagal biadap itu. Lihat saja, walau bobo manisku kuberi makan nikmat dan sehat, kau akan berakhir juga di penjagalanmu. Hanya menunggu waktu.

Aku tak perlu mengkremasi bobo, aku tak perlu menghadiri makam bobo, aku tak perlu menabur bunga di kuburan bobo. Bagaimana bisa? Tulangnya pun pasti sudah dinikmati bersama wortel dan juga kentang di atas panik hitamnya yang sudah menghitam.

Kudatangi Alona. Sudah lima tahun pula dia mendengar kisah-kisahku. Tampaknya dia dikutuk dewa dewi mendengar segala pahitnya hidup dariku. Tapi hari ini, dia juga tak bisa membantu banyak. Ada kisah lain yang tertoreh di batinnya, yang membuat lukaku hanya ibarat goresan di lutut. Tak terasa….

Ah..sial. aku pulang dengan langkah ragu-ragu. Aku melihat orang –orang yang tampak berbeda. Kostum mereka. Aneh, ini kan bukan hari Jumat. Dimana, setelah insiden pencurian batik yang konon dihebohkan-dan berhasil membatikkan Jumat. Wanita-wanita berkonde dan berkebaya dimana-mana. Apa ada pesta nikahan masal? Saat aku lihat acara tv. Aku baru tau, hari ini adalah hari kartini. Well, Selamat hari kartini bagiku, kalau begitu.

***

xoxo

DeMiNa

Me....My deadline...My new Hobby

Me:
I'm not i a good moood lately...IDK why!!!!


My Deadline:
i'm about to finished all the deadline time..Mei. Hope i can make it 20 or more, so i can buy some stuff that i want so badly!!!Aminnnnn


My New Hobby:
The Gas Room...-->novel
Novel ini keren....

baru halaman ke 200sekian....masih ada setengahnya lagi...
ntar kalo udah kelar dibaca, bakal di kasih reviewnya!!

Now, i have to do some errand!!!
Have to finished my deadline book, so i can go shopping after receiving the 3355 notification to my phone..-->LOL

Hello Ghost

Ide awal cerita filmini menarik....suer!!!!

but, after 20 min, saya ditemukan terkapar di atas kasur...
Not too good film ini...Mungkin karna idenya terlalu menarik, tapi penyuguhannya yang kurang...
(NO offense pliz...)

Hantunya pada lucu karakternya, tapi kurang kuat buat kisah lucunya....tokoh utamanya, mukanya gak kontrol banget,
Korea. this country proved making so much Indonesian people, especially the gals, screaming to the cute n handsome boys, but in this movie, u will not find of them...one more time n bottom line, U WILL NOT FIND A CUTE BOY HERE.
rata-rata, film komedi Korea, saya enggak nemu si cowok cute ini. muka tokohnya selalu gokil, dan rela diapa-apain.


Barusan, saya baca review beberapa blog. katanya sih bagus...hmmmm..what's wrong w/ me?
sepertinya, jadwal saya harus ditentuin buat nonton endingnya....


chauuuu


xoxo
DeMiNa

The Best of Times

same cover as mine


kece...


First love and Last love...
This two part can be apart of this movie. This movie saying us, that 1st love never die(huh??), and last love, can happened in everywhere....
another Thai movie, that giving me a calm feeling, an wanting more to feel love. love..love..oohhh f-ing love...
Thai movie giving me lesson...even this country is not as big as mine, they still can get rich(the movie maker i mean)...their people is so f-ing love their movie. maybe thai's movie maker think that my country have made such a big crap of horor genre at the movie industry. so they decide to make another genre, so they're not having a big shame of that crap horor maker. -->LOL

well, i love the cast, Fai. she is so beauty. and the dog, the eyebrow...giving me an idea to make one to a dog.-->LOL!


ps: kalo film thai-nya di review udah ada 5, kayaknya kudu buat folder sendiri neh


xoxo
DeMiNa

Hello Stranger

ceweknya kece..
cowoknya, sebelumnya main di Coming Soon



lucu covernya!!!


ceweknya ngegemesin


same cover as mine at home!!


this movie awesome!!! karya dari sutradara Banjong Pisanthanakun (sutradara spesialis film horor yang banyak dilirik Hollywood -->Shutter, Alone, 4bhia dan Phobia2 ) ini amuse me so much!!!
Film-film horornya terbukti buat bulu kuduk emang berdiri (tak seperti di negri saya, entah bulu apa yang berdiri dengan nonton film horornya-->LOL). hijrah ke film komedi romantis, not too bad!!
melihat banyak blog yang buat review puas, jadi enggak sabar ama karya film Thai lainnya..(have u guys watch Crazy little thing called love???totally awesome).
kabarnya, film yang bertengger di bioskop thailand ini, 3 minggu aja dah ngasilin 4juta sekian dollar(dollar amrik sodara-sodara).
well, maybe it's a good idea, if am trying make a movie in this lovely country.

Endingnya: this part make me so f-ing crazy!!! especially my sis, Dee...she is so f-ing curious about the ending. wanna know the ending so badly, and hope both of them seeing each other....

Well, hope someday my lovely country can make a simple love story like this....




PS: me n my hallet just promised ourselves, that gonna wear the couple uniform someday!!!


gayanya pasangan ababil neh-->LOL







xoxo
DeMiNa

Miss my another family

It's been long enough not seeing them. The Harper family. They are just like my family too.
How can Alan be so funny with his lame n bizzare character? And how can Jake lived with his fussy mom? And i miss the evil's Evelyn....And Charlie...And my fav stalker, Rose....

Owwwhhh..
It's gonna take a long rest though to wait for them airing again. Hope Charlie can passed his problem as soon as he can. Me and my sister are waiting for their f-ing beach house, their sillinest, and their way of life...


xoxo

inside me

Rasanya sulit buat nerima keadaan. Tapi manusia cuma bisa nerima keadaan yang udah digariskan. dua hal yang saya gak suka, nasib ama Lucky. seolah-olah mereka menertawakan saya, mereka lagi mencemoohkan saya, mereka memperolok saya.
rasanya sulitbuat ngambil keputusan, dimana pilihan ini dihadapkan pada kesulitan dan resiko yang besar dan sungguh gak bisa saya terima. again..am frowning*

am so f-ing believe for what am doing...i do believe that i can do what i want to do. but its different when i'm facing thiz w/ 'u'. ur problem is my problem too dear mbebebkuw.

deep inside my heart :: i can do nothing. am stucked. im so confused. life is a riddle. but for me life is an adventure (ngiklan bgt)...we have to survive to pass another adventure dear...

dear, im so sorry that i want more for us, bukannya itu tujuan kita??
maybe am the lamest, the weirdo people in thiz f-ing world, it's all about wrong to giving up for this life....am really sure, that we are meant something....

dear mbebeb.....be strong my dear...u'll be splendid....


xoxooxxooo

The King Speech

hebat
ini kata pertama dan satu-satunya yang bisa saya sandang habis nonton film ini.
film ini berat. berat mata euy nontonnya. lol*
dua penonton sebelum saya habis beli DVD ini, KO permirsa....mereka gak kuat di 5 menit pertama.

i cant hardly believe it. how can they do that? i mean, how if i make a movie and they're just shut it down after 5 min? oh my...poor me huh....
i'll kick them if they do that..i suer, by the sake of make cute nail(blue..n its new,....yayy...i just really love it).

buat sinopsis bisa dibaca di wikipedia.
cuma mau menggaris bawahi, kalo Collin Firth emang pantas bawa oscar pulang kerumahnya.
jago mainnya. kece....

F O K U S

cuma 5 huruf....
Entah apa yang buat susah buat ngerangkainya dalam satu kesatuan yang utuh buat di lakukan. rasanya dia bekerjasama sama sang waktu. sama-sama susah buat di kejar. Hah...saya cuma bisa berencana dan cuma bisa berharap.



many errands to do. tapi entah yang mana yang harus jadi bahan pertimbangan yang lebih dulu dikerjakan. Am so f-ing messed.
di tambah lagi, masalah yang ditakutkan. ketakutan. kenapa selalu menghantui??? Mungkin ini saatnya menyalahkan maraknya kemunculan mereka(hantu-red), yang terlalu diekspos di dunia nyata ini. bukan menyalahkan mereka yang buat, menyalahkan kenapa mereka mau buat itu? kan jadi takut saya..Errrr...gak nyambung.
sudahlah...kembali ke fokus..(tuh kan barusan gak fokus).


Kemarin saya pake kuteks warna biru, kalo yang ini sih agak fokus warnanya. sesuai dengan keinginan dalam minggu ini. Lol. cute*. jadi yang ini, Fokus check....

urusan kerjaan pramuka, ngirim email ke komikusnya...done too.....Check*

*dear mbebebkuw: hope u can focus for ur job, hope Alloh make u stayed for a very long time besides me in this lovely town, hope u can make "it". i know, Alloh have planned the best for ya.....
i really really really...so f-ing really love ya mbebebkuw......
hope we can through all of this. yes mbebebkuw...we can make it...

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoox
















DeMiNa....

Mari Bercinta (Me version)

Mari Bercinta...

Sepanjang malam....
Sepanjang deadline...

Sepanjang halaman...
Sepanjang panjangnya....

Sepanjang tujuan...
Sepanjang harapan.....

Deadline...
Making love to deadline, giving me a feel where is a good way to receive the good one...
Making me feel alive...Seriously.
I lived coz a deadline. It's a sexy desire. A teasing passion.


DeMiNa

back to my youth

That crazY little thing that called love




Totally awesome.remains me at the time,when love is something that really weird.by hearing his bikes sound,make thiz heart jump. Ooppsss.....hahahahah
Starting with a flirthing story that almost make it the one love story ever for her life....so fantastic.
Love make Nam changes.from a freak girl being a fantastic one.I can't even believe she is beautiful.I mean,look at her skin.lol.
But, at the end,she prove that she really something.
Look at her eye,her smile....oooowwwww

*is kissing forbidden in thai???its more romantic,if in this movie u guys make a kiss scene.hehehehehehe....
But over all, I really like it.and thai so great,hope I can make one for my country someday.


















this scene makes my heart jumping...jumping....lol*




watching thiz muvie makes me in love again....so in lav w/ ya mbebebkuw...



Xoxo
DeMiNa

noctural creature

Me...being a noctural creature.
that's the theme of my life for this few month. just like bat. hunting the prey at night, so i can sleep well in the morning. sometimes it keep amusing me, got dizzy and pass the good show at tv, but sometimes i have a good time alone at night, while all the silent arround me, and dreaming waiting in the morning.
no need caffeine to be a noctural creature like me. just hunt another things good. huh...it kinda realease when u feel alone, but it kinda suck at day if u alone.
i dunno what pic that i should put in this post, i dont like bat(represent the noctutal one), i dont like b*tch(lol), i dont even like 'mata panda'.
and now, it's been 06.49. u know what excatly time it is for me?
it sleep time..
morning folks..

xoxo

Debbie Miranda Napitupulu

dexter-ing

one more. another faboulous story of thiz holywood things. this is so f**king great. i mean, how come this is even be a good one? can't hardly think how this people grow up with their ability to make a good things to do. they became what they want. how cool is that. a killer, a defender of the murderer, by killing them. this country so need Dexter. being so nauseated with all the bad people in this country. i'll let dexter handle it. maybe he can change this mess country be a peace one. BTW, that's just hope, how come that happened in here, while some people keep making their rule. feel so uncomfortable.
first impression about this serial was so mean...mocking the cast and the story, but eventually i bought the 4 next season..lol* now, at night, dexter became a good friend. indeed... he knows how to make my heart jump and he know how to replaced it. lol*
Dexter-ing became habit at night....so cool....

xoxo

Debbie Miranda Napitupulu

Let's fight Mr President

It's been few days since i saw some silly student standing besides the trafic light at Dago, holding some boxes that writen down for some silly charity for SBY. Obviously its says "Koin Untuk SBY". This is so fudging (i should sensor it with this word, its worted) annoying.
This is why, we as a people who can read, can make a conclusion, can make a good conclusion excatly, from all side. This is why, there always some warning to read and make an atention from the begining. I mean, stop punishing yourself from the stupidity. Stop arguing with your heart. Are you guys really even watch it from the begining???
Big question mark huh...Yes it is. Why always spending your quality time for complaining and comlaining. is it even worted, if you guys stays at ur lodge and doing some errands that keep ur mind think positive?
That's why we always concern anything from the bottom, from the base, from the begining. Is not easy to become a leaders. I bet u guys know it. Even you want to sell ur gut just to make sure that ur people behind u support u.
Mr President, if this country always complaining, let make a new one, u deserve better.
This is makes me adore our perfect leader, Muhammad Saw. The one that bring us to a bright world, a bright minds, and peacefull at our heart.

Wish Me Luck

Bismillahhirahmanirahim...
Here i am....
the first post in 2011. Am not completely new if not posting something in this sexy blog. hahaha..
First of all, i wanna say Happy Beloved New Year, May this year, all the postponed plan can be completely done. And all the bad habit, all the bad things, just leave it with the past. And take a good side to moving forward.
suddenly, i feel so new of myself. Dunno what and dunno why, but it kinda refresh me. Altough many problems happened, i can make it prefectly not getting worst like always. instead, i kinda feel that i am, my new...soooo mature. (Hope so).
And here i am, in the end of this beautiful January, i wanna wish something good, something can drive me into something big, something that i want from all this suffer, this sacrifice, this struggle. may i got what i wish. Hope Dear Alloh SWT, pointing me some sign to make my life better and getting better.
And also, my dearest parents,....hope both of you always in a good condition, stay health, and always praying me for the best.
My lovely Dee, hope u can get what the best for u. Hope P*rt*m*n* provide a room for u here(Bandung ofcourse).
The twin, hope the best for ya, hah...
My dear Mbebeb a.k.a My Hallet, hope u can reach the best for u too, hope the target done, and u;ll be one of the best AO in ur bank.
And the last, me..Hope i can make all my wish come true. Just like a cinderella that found her beautiful shoes.

My dear Debocan, i promise u, that i will always keep in touch to u...
xoxo

Debbie Miranda Napitupulu